Self Preservation

As I type these words, I'm snacking on a bit o' Papa John's goodness, I'm anticipating the Jennifer Aniston flick I'm about to pop in the DVD player, and I'm contemplating whether or not to go for the Diet Coke I want or the bottle of water that I seriously need and should be drinking instead.

During the last year and a half since my husband has been in Iraq, I've done a lot of soul searching. I've found myself. If someone told me two years ago that I'd be spending every single night alone (Well, except for the company of my little guy, of course.), I'd say 'Nope. I think I would go insane for fear of intruders in the middle of the night.' Lol. Seriously.

Glad I got over that.

(I don't even sleep with the police-grade baton anymore.)
Aren't you proud?
On occasion, I've even fallen asleep without the pepper spray too.
Seriously.
I. Was. That. Freaked. Out.
I'm strong though.
I'm independent.
Very.
I'm going to preserve a bit of myself on this little happy blog tonight.
I might even print it out.
Stick it in my little memory box.
Maybe I'll read it again in (God willing) fifty years or so.

Here goes:
I'm a list maker.
I try to be organized.
I suffer from what I've learned is labeled as "Perfectionist Procrastination".
I don't want to start something unless I can execute it perfectly.
According to my list, that is.
I've purchased a book about organization.
Reading it is on my To-Do list.
This is really me.
Not one of those I like scrapbooking and the color pink lists.
The real me.
Shamefuly honest and unedited.
I'm brainstorming about a new business.
Okay, when haven't I been doing that?
I'm always coming up with hair-brained business ideas.
(I think I get that from my Dad, by the way.)
Those close to me can attest to that.
I seriously should write a book on home business ideas.
Add that to my list of home business ideas. Lol.
I analyze.
All the time.
About everything.
The wheels never stop turning.
I read into things too much.
It gets me into trouble at times, but I can't help it.
It's how I think.
I'd be content eating Lean Cuisine glazed chicken and rice for the rest of my life.
It tastes good.
With no effort.
I could not live without my microwave.
My sister cooks elaborate meals.
I just am not like that.
It drains me.
I'd rather be doing creative things.
I suppose cooking can be creative.
Maybe I'll get into it one day.
I think I will.
I do enjoy cooking desserts though.
That, I get from my Mom.
I enjoy having a system.
A process for doing things I do on a regular basis.
For example, I put my makeup on in the exact same order every day.
Does anyone else do that?
Is it a girl thing or just a Delaney thing?
Who the heck knows.
I enjoy developing my son's mind.
We read all the time.
He really amazes me sometimes.
His memory is better than mine.
I think I have a photographic memory.
I have a humorous, sarcastic outlook during really crappy situations.
I've found this helps me stay sane.
I'd rather laugh than cry, you know?
WOW. This is so random.
It has no flow.
This is totally not how I write.
I'm seriously considering deleting all of it and just going to watch my DVD.
Hmmmm.

Things I Love: (Besides the people in my life.)

• "The Way I See Its" on Starbucks cups.
• That I sometimes wake up at 3am wide awake. I feel like I have an advantage starting out the day early.
• The fact that things like kiwis, pineapple, and Mackintosh apples are actually good for the bod.
• The fact that I indulge in Coke Icees even though they aren't.
• The feeling of people loving me for me. Not for who I was. Or for who I could be.
• Checking off a task from my list.
• Finding a really cool color combination.
• The sense of urgency I feel in airports.
• Accomplishing something on my own when people tell me I should ask for help.
• The way my son shouts "Mama!!" when he first sees me at the door to his preschool classroom. Being needed is good. Needing can be good to, I have found.
• The fact that I was taught how to be a good mother by a good mother's example.
• The way my supplies smell from Signed Sealed & Delivered.
• My featherbed. Totally.
• There's more. Of course. I just want to hurry up and watch my movie.

Anyway... There's so much more to write. I just don't feel like I have the time right now to do it all justice though. I'll write more tomorrow. More self preservation. Take two.

Well, I suppose I didn't delete all of this. That's good. Off to grab a Diet Coke.

Yeah, I opted for that.

Carpe diem, you know?

I'm just a creative soul trying to preserve herself.

That's all.